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What Happens When the Spark in a Relationship Is Gone?

by Stacey Elkins, studioD

You and your significant other used to have a passionate, red-hot relationship. You couldn’t think of him without swooning; you wanted to spend every minute with him and you couldn’t keep your hands off of him. As time passed, your relationship fizzled. Recognizing that the spark in your relationship is gone can help motivate you to strengthen your relationship -- or, to move on.

You Take Each Other for Granted

As time passes, you may stop making simple gestures that show you are thinking about and care for your partner, says Barbara Markway, a clinical psychologist and author of “Easy Ways to Put the Magic Back in Your Relationship” on the website, Psychology Today. For example, you may stop sending random “I’m thinking about you” texts or telling your partner that you love her. You may not take your partner’s feelings into consideration when making a decision or you may stop making the effort to compromise.

The Excitement is Gone

When the spark in your relationship is gone, your relationship may have become routine and lack excitement. You may no longer go out on dates or experience new activities together. Your relationship might lack desire and physical intimacy. You may no longer take the time to try to impress your significant other. When one gets comfortable in her relationship, she may not put as much effort into how she looks and takes care of herself, says Lisa Firestone, a psychologist and author of “Why the Spark Fades in a Relationship” on the Huffington Post website.

You Lack Communication

When there’s no spark left in your relationship, your communication may suffer. You may not feel compelled to ask about your partner’s hopes, dreams and fears. Rather than have conversations with depth, you may stick to surface conversations, such as what’s for dinner and your weekend plans. You may neglect to express your needs or ask about your partner’s needs, leading to arguments due to lack of communication.

Recommit or End Your Relationship

When you realize that the spark is gone in your relationship, take time and think about what you want. Decide if you are willing to put in the time and effort to work on your relationship and if you're willing to recommit to your partner. It will require effort from both you and your partner to keep passion in your relationship, say Rod Louden, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “Relationship Alert!: Don’t Ignore the Warning Signs” on the website, GoodTherapy.org. If you are both willing to work on your relationship, you can bring the spark back.

About the Author

Stacey Elkins is a writer based in Chicago. She earned a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Southern Illinois University in Carbondale and a Masters in social work from the University of Illinois in Chicago, where she specialized in mental health.

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