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How to Handle a Girl Not Liking You

by Stacey Elkins, studioD

You fall for a girl, get the nerve to ask her out, and she turns you down. You feel rejected and hurt that she doesn’t share your interest. Nobody likes rejection, yet everyone experiences it. However, the way you handle rejection helps to determine how quickly you will recover.

Don't Take it Personally

It's easy to take rejection personally, making you feel disliked, unworthy or that you did something wrong. These are normal feelings. In order to avoid internalizing rejection, face your fears, and share your feelings and experience, says 4Therapy. In doing so, it will help you feel less lonely. Being rejected hurts, but it doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthy of love. It just means that things didn’t work out with this girl. The rejection probably doesn’t have anything to do with you. It likely could be a shallow reason, such as the girl liking a different body type, hair color or another personal preference. Don’t dwell on the rejection. Acknowledge how you feel and don’t try to bury your feelings. Being aware of your feelings helps you to move on quicker from negative experiences, says HelpGuide.

Time Spent Together

It may not be feasible to avoid this girl. You may be co-workers, attend the same class, or belong to the same gym, making it nearly impossible not to run into her. However, you should limit the amount of time you spend with her. Spending less time with a person allows you to have more control of your emotions, since new ones won’t be surfacing, adding to the ones you already have, says Marcelina Hardy, a relationship coach and author of “Unreturned Love: What You Must Know” on her site, Relationship Repair. If you regularly see your crush and spend time with her, it will be harder for you to move on. Don’t talk to her on the phone or text her. Creating a life outside of her is key to getting over her.


Rejection makes a person feel unwanted, reducing self-esteem, says Clare Arene, a mental health counselor and author of “The Most Important Step to Overcoming Rejection” on 4therapy.com. It may be difficult, but try not to let your self-esteem take a hit. Use this experience as a way to learn. Handling rejection in a healthy way can make you stronger and more resilient, says HelpGuide. Think about what you having going for yourself. For example, you may have a great sense of humor, a charismatic personality or a compassionate heart. A rejection this time doesn’t mean that it will happen again next time you like a girl. Think about the times you were successful in asking a girl out and focus on that.

Focus on Yourself

Don’t dwell on the rejection, but be aware of your feelings. Hardy suggests keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings as a way to deal with how you feel. Avoid things that remind you of your hurt, such as love songs and romantic movies. Don’t use alcohol or drugs to ease your pain. Go for a run, ride your bike or go to the gym. Exercise releases endorphins, and improves your mood. Find a new hobby, take a class or join a worthy cause. Spend time with friends, strengthening your relationships. Speak to your friends about the rejection. They can relate to the experience, give you advice and make you feel less alone. Watch a movie, read a book or listen to music. Keeping yourself busy will help keep you from focusing on the rejection. In time, the pain will go away.

About the Author

Stacey Elkins is a writer based in Chicago. She earned a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Southern Illinois University in Carbondale and a Masters in social work from the University of Illinois in Chicago, where she specialized in mental health.

Photo Credits

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