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How to Handle Feelings for Another Guy When You Have a Boyfriend

by Nina Edwards

The circle of love has no beginning and no end. But hold on, your circle seems to have taken a new shape; it looks more like a love triangle. You have solemnly committed yourself to the one you believe is the boyfriend of your dreams. The last thing you expected was to have him come in two separate bodies. This dream has become a painful nightmare and it’s time to step into reality and handle the array of feelings you have for the other guy.

Accept the Truth

The first step is to acknowledge that these feelings exist and only you have the power to act on them. If you want to avoid cheating on him, it is crucial to understand that being attracted to and having feelings for more than one person is normal. There may be something missing in your current relationship that you find irresistible in the other guy. It could be that your boyfriend isn’t as affectionate as he used to be. Be certain of what these needs are before you think about telling your partner.

Talk About It

You know these feelings are there so it’s only fair to tell your partner. Being honest about your feelings with him doesn’t mean you describe the intimate fantasies you have about the other man. Be conscious of your boyfriend’s emotions, he is human too and hearing that will undoubtedly hurt him. If exclusivity is an essential part of your relationship, creating a platform of open communication in a non-threatening environment can only strengthen your relationship.

Resisting Temptation

If you are in regular contact with the other guy, there are a few things you can do to keep yourself out of trouble. Dr Susan Heitler in “Six Signs You Might Cheat on Your Significant Other” on YourTango.com gives some ideas. First, meeting alone with the other man, even if it’s just for coffee, can only lead to lies and betrayal. Engaging in and continuing to flirt with him can only increase the desire for more contact. So avoid situations that lead to dishonesty.

Get Help

Thoughts of infidelity, even if you haven’t acted on them, don’t just appear out of nowhere. Jamie Goldenberg et al. in a 2003 study in “Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin” attributes infidelity to self-esteem issues. There could be some underlying issues you have to deal with in order to overcome these. Going to couples therapy could also be an option. It can help you move towards bettering your relationship.

About the Author

Nina Edwards holds a doctorate in clinical psychology and has been writing about families and relationships since 2000. She has numerous publications in scholarly journals and often writes for relationship websites as well. Edwards is a university lecturer and practicing psychologist in New York City.

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