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How to Handle an Adult Child Who Blames Parents for Problems

by Sheri Lamb

Many children blame their parents for issues from the past that are affecting them now. According to psychoanalyst Dr. Alice Miller, all abused children suffer from scarring from their childhood, whether the trauma was physical, mental or both. Whatever it is that your child is blaming you for, the emotional turmoil that can surface when negative experiences of the past are raised can destroy families. Dealing with the past is needed to heal.

Tell your child that you are sorry she feels that way. Calmly explain to her that you either agree or disagree with her and you want to help make her feel better.

Ask your child why he feels the way he does. Judge whether he has a point and be open to his criticism before you take time to think and then respond.

Ask your child for forgiveness if you feel she is correct in blaming you. Tell her you want to make up for poor parenting choices and that you regret anything you've done to contribute to her problems.

Give him time to recover. Blaming you for his problems could be a step in his recovery process. Allow him the time he needs to let out his frustration, as long as he isn't abusing you, and then give him time to heal. He might need several months. Allow him to approach you when he is ready or contact him if several months have passed.

Visit a third-party facilitator, such as a counselor or psychiatrist, if you can find no other solution. A professional can give you an objective opinion about the problem and help your child and you reach a resolution.

About the Author

Sheri Lamb has been a reporter since 2006 in community newspapers throughout Canada. While she has covered virtually every beat associated with community newspapers, Lamb specializes in sports. In addition to her skills as a reporter, Lamb holds a certificate in computer programming. She also runs a small catering company.

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