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How to Get Your Girlfriend to Open Up

by Parker Janney, studioD

Some women are more comfortable talking about their feelings than others. For some, it takes a high degree of safety and security in a relationship before they are comfortable sharing their innermost thoughts, desires and dreams. You can get your closed-lipped girlfriend to open up to you by providing an atmosphere of support and mutual trust.

Ask questions. Your girlfriend may not be offering a lot of information about herself or her feelings because you are not asking the right questions. Many people will not volunteer their feelings as readily as others without a little coaxing. Ask how she is feeling or what her reaction is to a particular emotional event. After watching a drama or romance film, ask her to reflect on the themes and how she felt about them. You don't want to seem interrogating, but you can appear curious and thoughtful.

Open up first. One way to gain your girlfriend's trust and get her to open up about her feelings is for you to open up first. Share something about your past, a secret, a feeling or a dream. When she sees that you're going out on a limb, she will be more likely to join you there. By sharing something of yours, you are taking a risk and inviting her to do the same.

Pay attention. Give her your undivided attention while she is speaking and make eye contact, which both communicate that you are genuinely interested in what she has to say. Don't interrupt. Wait until she is done talking to reflect or respond.

Don't judge. When your girlfriend opens up to you about something, be supportive, kind and understanding. You may not share her feelings or be particularly pleased with what she is sharing, but teasing her or becoming angry or defensive will just shut her down. If you receive her with compassion and curiosity, she will feel safe to open up to you in this way more.

Show her you're trustworthy. When your girlfriend shares a secret with you, be sure it remains between the two of you. If she finds out that you've been gossiping or sharing her disclosure to your friends or family, she will feel less trusting toward you and will be less likely to open up to you again in the future.

About the Author

Parker Janney is a web developer and writer based in Philadelphia. With a Master of Arts in international politics, she has been ghostwriting for several underground publications since the late 2000s, with works featured in "Virtuoso," the "Philadelphia Anthropology Journal" and "Clutter" magazine.

Photo Credits

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