our everyday life

My Girlfriend Doesn't Want Me to Hang Out With My Best Friend

by Keri Dillingham

The clash of the girlfriend and the best friend is an old story line that surfaces when the two most important people in your life simply do not mesh. Both relationships have given you love, care, and support when you need it most. Cutting one relationship out at the insistence of another can be a tough decision to make. Before you snap those scissors, though, ask your girlfriend why she wants you to abandon your best friend. See if you can make changes so that she is more accepting of your friendship.

Speak with Your Girlfriend

Communicating with your girlfriend about why she has these feelings is the best way to resolve the issue or make an informed decision. Simply saying "Yes, dear" to avoid confrontation and choosing to cooperate in this way may be viewed as being fake or unfeeling, which leads to greater disharmony, according to a study completed by the University of Arizona. Instead of offering a series of head-nods, work toward a resolution, and do not break-off your relationship hastily with your girlfriend or your best friend. Understand why this shift has occurred, so that you can discover whether it can be fixed.

Change Where You Meet Your Best Friend

Many venues or activities that you and your best friend enjoyed before your girlfriend entered the picture are just not going to be acceptable to your girlfriend. Ensure that she is comfortable with the locale and find out which places she finds distasteful to ease her discomfort. Arrange to meet your best friend at a golfing range versus a bar. When you demonstrate that you are sensitive to your girlfriend’s feelings, she may be more willing to trust your friendship with your best friend.

Your Best Friend's Personality

After having a discussion with your girlfriend, it becomes clear that she just does not like your best friend's personality. Maybe, you find your best friend's boisterous laughter entertaining, but your girlfriend can’t stand it. It’s understandable that you see your best friend's good qualities while your girlfriend is stuck on the best friend's facade. Explain to your girlfriend how important this person is in your life, and provide examples that show how your best friend has influenced your life in positive ways. Your girlfriend may be more accommodating when she can see your best friend through your eyes.

Your Best Friend is a Woman or Your Ex

If your best friend is a woman, your girlfriend will likely not warm up to your female buddy. Your girlfriend wants to have the closest female connection to you -- after your mother or sister. Explain that your bond with your best friend is a brother and sister type of relationship to see if that eases her discomfort. However, if your best friend is not only a female -- but also your ex-girlfriend -- this is going to be a deal-breaker for your current girlfriend and it will be time to leave you best friend behind. If you are struggling with cutting the cord, try putting yourself in your girlfriend's shoes and see how you would feel if the tables were turned.

Resources

  • 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It; David Niven

About the Author

After having earned two degrees in psychology, Keri Dillingham continues to focus her time researching and studying the intricate nature of the human relationship. She worked as a victim's advocate for those subjected to domestic violence, and, as such, is adept at discussing and reviewing topics that directly relate to healthy relationships and positive lifestyles.

Photo Credits

  • Goodshoot/Goodshoot/Getty Images