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Getting Over an Attraction to a Married Coworker

by K. Nola Mokeyane

Physical attraction happens for various reasons, such as biochemical exchanges between men and women, opposing immune systems and measurable facial symmetries, according to researchers in a 2009 Oprah.com article published by CNN. These data suggest that you may not be able to help who you're attracted to - including a married coworker. It's difficult to be attracted to someone who's in a committed relationship, but it's imperative that you shift your focus to building healthy relationships with emotionally available partners.

Find a Hobby

When you realize that you need to get over your attraction to a married coworker, find a hobby in which you can immerse yourself. Take up gardening or pottery or join a bowling league. A hobby will require your mental and physical participation, and this will help distract you from thinking about your married coworker. Engaging in a hobby will also help you achieve personal happiness and satisfaction.

Practice Forgiveness

Attraction to a married coworker can bring up negative feelings of guilt, shame and disappointment in yourself. Licensed clinical psychologist, author and relationship expert Seth Meyers, Psy.D., says that women who fall for unavailable men struggle with negative feelings such as low self-esteem and emotional insecurity. Women - and men - who are attracted to someone who's married must forgive themselves for making a mistake. Neuropsychologist and author Rick Hanson, Ph.D., adds that through the act of self-forgiveness, a person can convert guilt, shame and disappointment into valuable learning opportunities.

Set Goals

Focus on setting personal goals to get over your attraction to your married coworker. An example is to create opportunities to meet eligible partners by going out on a date or to a social gathering at least once a month. Commit these goals to paper. Setting goals will help shift your focus from a person with whom you cannot have a relationship to someone with whom you can begin a romance.

Talk to Someone

If you've started new hobbies, started to forgive yourself and set some goals but find that you're not over your attraction, speak with a trusted confidant to help you process the issue so that you can move on. Share your thoughts and feelings with someone who you know will not judge you. This may be a close friend or an unbiased therapist. Whomever you choose, allow this person to help you address this issue so that you can discover your own happiness.

About the Author

K. Nola Mokeyane has written professionally since 2006, and has contributed to various online publications, including "Global Post" and Modern Mom. Nola enjoys writing about health, wellness and spirituality. She is a member of the Atlanta Writer's Club.

Photo Credits

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