our everyday life

How to Gain My Wife's Trust Back

by Alysia D. Roehrig, studioD

Rebuilding trust in a relationship can be difficult. Yet without trust, your relationship is bound to fail. You wife might have lost her trust in you because you had an affair, ran up debt without her knowledge, made decisions about your household without her consent, among other reasons. To earn her trust back, you and your wife need to go through a process of healing.

Be Remorseful

Confessing your mistakes, asking for forgiveness and acknowledging her feelings show your wife you are remorseful. Let your wife know that you understand she is feeling angry and disappointed. Don’t be frustrated or get angry because she is upset; her reaction is normal. Talk to your wife and understand what hurt her most about the situation. If she needs time alone or needs to speak to someone about her feelings, be supportive.

Be Honest

Trust is lost because of lies or betrayal, and not telling the truth only aggravates the situation. Be open with your wife about all the details she wants to know about the matter. For example, if she wants to know why you lied in the first place, be honest but sensitive. Knowing the truth about a situation will allow both of you to decide how to move on. For instance, if your work requires you to be away from home for long periods of time and you had an affair while away, you and your wife may decide you should try to work closer to home. Remember to speak the truth gently and consistently, and remind your wife of her place in your life.

Reassure Her

After apologizing to your wife, your actions must line up with your words. Avoid putting yourself in the same situation that made you lose your wife's trust in the first place; it assures your wife that you are committed to making things better. Show your commitment to change and seek help. For example, you can join a support group or seek counseling. Also, reassure your wife of your love for her by saying it consistently.

Be Patient

Restoring a broken heart will not happen instantly. Be patient with your wife and focus on what you need to build such as reliability and consistency. Don’t take offense when your wife acts insecure by doing things such as interrogating your schedule and activities for the day. Try not to focus on how long it takes your wife to trust you again.

About the Author

Alysia Roehrig began writing in 1997. Her work has been published in various online publications. She is a teacher and educator with experience teaching first grade and special education. Roehrig holds a Ph.D and an Master of Arts in psychology from University of Notre Dame.

Photo Credits

  • Polka Dot Images/Polka Dot/Getty Images