our everyday life

How to Forget Someone & Get on With Your Life

by Elise Wile, studioD

Albert Einstein said, "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving." This is particularly true after you've experienced a breakup. If you don't move on, you risk finding yourself sitting by the side of the road picking gravel out of your knees. You don't have to keep pedaling in the same direction, however. Use your circumstances to ride in a different direction that will create growth, opportunity and adventure in your life.


Allow yourself to mourn the end of the relationship, advises psychologist Suzanne Lachmann in a June 2013 article in "Psychology Today." This will allow you to fully let go, even though ending the relationship may not have been your choice. Don't be afraid to cry, and if you need to spend a weekend or two lying in bed with trashy magazines and pints of ice cream, allow yourself that time. Write about your feelings as you work to accept that a phase of your life has ended and that it's time to take a step in a new direction.


Remember who you were before the relationship. Most relationships take an enormous amount of time and energy. Think back to before the relationship and reconnect with the person you were then. Perhaps you spent more time doing art, riding your bike or hanging out with friends. Invest yourself in those interests and activities once again, and gradually the hole in your life will begin to fill.

Focus on the Positive

How you experience the process of moving on depends on your point of view. You can choose to view your breakup as a loss or a gain. If you look at it as a loss, you'll spend plenty of lonely nights pining for your ex or feeling as though life will never be as satisfying again. This doesn't have to be the case. Research published in the January 2007 "Journal of Positive Psychology" found that the end of a relationship can provide opportunities for personal growth. If you think of your breakup as a gain, life will bloom with possibilities. You are now free to do things that your relationship hindered. Perhaps you'd like to travel with a friend for a month or spend your evenings volunteering at a homeless shelter. Maybe you need time to develop your skills as a photographer. Now that you have more freedom, embrace it.

Acknowledge Your Discomfort

If you've been in a relationship for a long time, moving on can be scary. Perhaps the mere thought of spending an evening alone makes you queasy, not to mention the idea of attending social events without your ex. You're certain to feel uneasy about stepping out of your comfort zone and beginning to do more things on your own. Acknowledge these feelings, embrace them and deal with them directly. Otherwise, you risk running into the arms of the most convenient distraction -- which could come in the form of an addiction or an unwise new relationship.

About the Author

Elise Wile has been a writer since 2003. Holding a master's degree in curriculum and Instruction, she has written training materials for three school districts. Her expertise includes mentoring, serving at-risk students and corporate training.

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