our everyday life

How to Fix An Unhappy Marriage & Make It Better

by braniac

Marriage can be tough and making one work takes a lot of patience, time, and care. When a marriage goes bad, it can be hard to pinpoint the problem and make the effort to get it back on track. Sometimes making a marriage work seems like a never ending battle when issues arise in the relationship that make both partners unhappy. Here are some tips for fixing an unhappy marriage and making it better so that you and your spouse can live a good life together again.

Make a list of the things that bother you in the marriage. Have your spouse make a list too. Try to be as honest as possible when writing what you don't like. It's important, however, not to attack each other, but to write down what things you are not getting from the marriage and what things you don't like that your spouse does. When you are finished with the list, read them to each other and talk about each thing that truly bothers you. Don't be nit picky and complain about every little thing, but do talk about the things that honestly make you unhappy. If there are things you can live with, tell your spouse this. Also, if your spouse is doing things or not doing things that you feel you cannot tolerate, tell him this as well. But, be prepared to listen to his side of things also. In order to get your feelings about the marriage out on the table, you also need to be receptive to your spouse's thoughts and feelings. Seriously think about what your spouse is saying and don't blow off his upsets. Vow to be open to what he has to say and ask him to do the same. Having an open communication about the marriage and each other is one of the best ways to make a relationship better.

Deal with one situation at a time in the marriage. If things such as money, household chores, child care, and other family responsibilities are causing issues in the marriage, deal with them individually rather than fighting about all the issues at one time. Marriages tend to fail because issues are brought up in bulk and never dealt with properly. When you try to take on all the problems in a marriage at once, you overwhelm yourself, create bitterness between both partners, and never really come to a good solution. Figure out what problems in the marriage are the worst and list them in priority. If money is a main concern, sit down with your spouse and deal with this issue head on, first. Even if this problem takes months to figure out, do not conjure up another problem until the first one is resolved. Work together to find a solution to the issue before talking about other problems. Yes, those other issue will be there and it will be tempting to talk, argue, or complain about these problems, but try to avoid this. Those other troubles will be there later and can be dealt with when you've found a resolution to the first issue at hand.

Love and respect your spouse, even if you're upset at him. Giving your partner loving attention and affection is one great way to fix an unhappy marriage. Many marriages fail because one or the other spouse is not getting the attention he or she needs. Vowing to treat your spouse with respect and gratitude will help to fix an unhappy marriage and make it better. This may be a tough task, especially if you've felt that you haven't been given love and affection first. Try to be the better person and the first to give. You may just find that your spouse has been craving this affection and will respond with the same in return. If not, talk to your spouse and tell him that you are trying to make things better and would love it if he'd do the same. Tell your spouse that you adore him and want to make the marriage work and feel that if you spend a little more time loving each other, you both can create that once great bond you had. Try, too, to always be respectful to your spouse and treat him kindly. When arguing, do not yell, call him names, or put him down. Speak your mind in a calm and respectful manner. You'll more likely get your thoughts across better and get your spouse to listen if you don't talk down to him.

Forget your troubles in the marriage for just one day. Go back to the time when you and your spouse loved each other unconditionally, even if this time was before the marriage. Ask your spouse to let go of his anger and upset and take one day to enjoy each other. Do something you've never done before together like go for a hike in the woods, take a road trip without planning, spend the night in a hotel room, go on a picnic, or lay on a blanket looking at the stars. Forget for a whole day that you have troubles in the marriage and just be with each other. Try to get to know each other as you once did and remember the love you shared. Sometimes, the best way to fix an unhappy marriage is to stop dwelling on the troubles that have brewed in the marriage. We often tend to make matters worse by analyzing them and making them bigger than what they really are. This is not to say that issues don't really exist in your marriage, but taking a step back and forgetting your troubles can sometimes be the easiest solution to making a marriage better. You may just find again, all the reasons you married your spouse and realize that your troubles are not nearly as awful as you or he make them to be. Do your best to let go of the anger, resentment, and any other bad feelings and just enjoy the day with the guy you fell in love with long ago.

When all else fails, seek counseling. Marital problems just sometimes cannot be resolved by either partner in the marriage. There may come a time when you just have to find resolution in couple's therapy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this as many couples find comfort in counseling when their marriage in on the rocks. A counselor can help both partners listen to one another, talk about their troubles, and find a solution together with a mediator. A marriage counselor can suggest ideas to help without telling you what to do in your marriage to make it better. Instead, a marriage counselor helps couples to find their own solutions by talking to one another and discovering things about themselves in the marriage that they did not realize. If you are not comfortable going to a counselor or your spouse will not agree, try talking to a close mutual friend who can help you both. Get suggestions from someone else who has been married or is married and has been through what you both are going through. It's perfectly fine to seek help with your marriage and in fact, is often necessary. Don't ever feel like a failure because you need someone else's help with your marriage troubles. You are a better person for making the effort anyway you can to fix the unhappy marriage.

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