Fixing a marriage after an affair can be a daunting task. Emotions can run high when couples place the blame on one another. The innocent bystander in the affair can feel devastated and betrayed while the other may place the blame or have mixed emotions. By learning how to cope and rebuild your relationship through this troublesome time, you and your spouse can work out this type of a marital problem.
Sit down and communicate your martial problems to help fix a marriage after an affair. Discuss why the affair happened to begin with. An extramarital affair is generally the surface of underlying problems. Avoid getting into placing the blame on one another during your conversation. Take a time out if one of you starts to feel anger or overly emotional. Resume your conversation after your cooling off period. Determine if you are certain that you want to work through this troubling time or if your nuptials are over.
Attend marital counseling to fix a marriage after an affair. By having a therapist present during communication helps couples work out their differences. A marital counselor has no emotions involved in your situation; thus, they are able to help couples learn to communicate effectively and learn to compromise on the daunts of marriage.
Avoid places and people that can cause harm to couple's progress to fix a marriage after an affair. Stay away from bars, night clubs and other places where temptations can arise. Cut off contact with people that are interfering an opinionated about your marital problems. Those types of people will only add more stress to both of you while you work out your problems.
Write a letter together to the person whom your spouse had an affair with to fix a marriage after an affair. By writing a letter, you expressing that you are working out your martial problems and that no further contact will continue ever again between the wandering spouse and the person involved in the situation. Choose to either destroy the letter afterwards or send it if you wish. By writing a letter, it also provides closure to the end of the affair.
Start going on dates again with your spouse to fix a marriage after an affair. By going on dates you are trying to reignite that flame and by building new memories. Compromise on choosing dates to rebuild your marriage by alternating who chooses what you will do for each date.
Become more appreciative to your spouse to fix a marriage after an affair. Tell your spouse thank you and give small gifts on occasion when he or she has did something nice for you. Show your spouse that you do not take him or her for granted.
Spend more time with foreplay during lovemaking to fix a marriage after an affair. After being married for so long, sex can become boring and couples can feel like the connection has been lost in the bedroom. Stop rushing during sex. Spend more time kissing and holding each other before and after lovemaking to make that time much more special.
Avoid screaming matches in the future to fix a marriage after an affair. Do not bring up the affair when a disagreement arises. Learn to bury the hatchet. After all, you have decided that your marital state is worth working on. Take a time out if you or your spouse starts to raise his or her voice during a disagreement. Resume the disagreement when tempers have calmed down.