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How to Feel More Comfortable Talking to Men

by C. Giles

Whatever age you are, sometimes talking to men can take you right back to those teenage years. Butterflies in your stomach, your tongue in knots and a mental block as you try to think of something amusing or interesting to say. Often those feelings of anxiety and discomfort stem from a lack of confidence or an unhealthy approach toward relationships.

Celebration of Self

Low self-esteem can hold people back in many ways and make it difficult to approach a potential love interest. In his article "Building Confidence and Self-Esteem" for "Psychology Today," psychiatrist Neel Burton suggests boosting your self-esteem by making lists of your strengths, your achievements and your admirable qualities. Keep them in a safe place and refer to them whenever you are feeling down or insecure. Practice thinking positively about yourself and challenging any negative thoughts that creep into your mind, says Burton.

Mirror, Mirror...

The greater your self-confidence, the more comfortable you will feel talking to men. If you feel awkward starting a conversation with a man because you have a poor self-image, psychologist Diana Kirschner suggests in the article "Dating Advice 101: A Mirror Exercise that Boosts Your Self-Confidence" for "Psychology Today" that you stand before a mirror, look at yourself and say positive things about what you see. This may be difficult and uncomfortable in the beginning, but after a few sessions you should be pleasantly surprised to find that you are automatically thinking about your appearance in a more positive way. Kirschner advises spending at least 10 minutes in front of your mirror before you go on a date (and this applies to any situation where you might be in the company of men) and appreciating the best aspects of your appearance until you lift your spirits. Close your eyes and remember a time when you felt happy, secure and loved. This should put you in a great state of mind to go out and talk to men.

Plenty of Pampering

Taking the time to look after your physical health and your appearance will make you feel better about yourself, says Burton. Start with clean teeth, hair and nails as an absolute minimum. Pampering spa treatments will make you look and feel great. Pay attention to your diet, incorporating lots of water, fresh fruits and vegetables, and take part in regular exercise. Invest in some new clothes to flatter your figure. The better you feel, the more comfortable you will be talking to men and at social occasions in general.

Go With the Flow

Relaxing your attitude toward dating and finding love may help make talking to men a more enjoyable experience. Having rigid expectations about the type of man you will end up with and what sort of relationship you will have often leads to disappointment and loneliness. Don't make finding a partner the most important thing in your life. Spend time doing your hobbies, nurturing existing friendships and developing new ones. The more balanced your life is, the more interesting you will be to a prospective partner and the more conversation will flow when you begin chatting.

About the Author

C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."

Photo Credits

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