our everyday life

How to Face Rejection When Asking Out a Guy

by Emma Wells

It can be nerve-wracking for women to ask men on dates, even though the women's rights movement has been around for so long. Women wonder if men will think they are too forward, and what will happen if men say no. Women also have less practice being assertive than men, so the process can be even scarier for them. However, many guys like it when women ask them out, as they find it refreshing, says Ronda Findling, author of “The Dating Cure."

Consider the Alternative

You could flirt with him, drop hints, and wait for him to ask you out. However, this is often frustrating for women who prefer to control their own fate. Plus, he may never get that you’re into him unless you make a move directly. If you don’t want to wait around forever or lose a chance to date a great guy, you’ll have to take the risk of rejection. If you ask him out, there’s a chance he’ll say yes. If you never ask, there’s a very good chance you won’t be going out on a date.

Build Confidence

You know you’re great. He’d be foolish not to want to spend some time with you, so boost yourself up beforehand. If you’ve been flirting with each other already, or you keep meeting each other’s eyes across a crowded restaurant, you can use his non-verbal communication as a confidence booster. Consider all of the ways in which you’re a fun date: your wit, your smarts, your excellent taste in movies or your athleticism. Put less emphasis on how you perceive your looks. A guy who would reject you for superficial reasons is not a person you’d want to date, and it’s his loss.

Go For It

The only way to ask is to just go for it and ask him out. Bethany Heitman of Cosmopolitan Magazine has some great tips on ways to do this, including buying him a drink so he will come talk to you, including him in a group outing or offering him a ticket to a concert or sporting event. The more low-key your first date offer, the less first date pressure on both of you.

Bounce Back

In the worst-case scenario, he might say no. Don’t blame yourself for someone else’s rejecting behavior, says Jeremy Nicholson, M.S.W., Psy.D. People have a tendency to take rejection personally, saying, “I got rejected," but you weren't rejected. That person rejected the offer you proposed, says Nicholson. Remember that the guy you’re asking out doesn't know you very well, and there could be many reasons for his answer that have nothing to do with you. Instead of dwelling on his answer, pick yourself up and ask someone else who might be interested.

About the Author

Emma Wells has been writing professionally since 2004. She is also a writing instructor, editor and former elementary school teacher. She has a Master's degree in writing and a Bachelor of Arts in English and anthropology. Her creative work has been published in several small literary magazines.

Photo Credits

  • Creatas Images/Creatas/Getty Images