Anyone who has ever been through a break-up knows firsthand that it is one of the most painful events of one's life. It not only confirms the end of what was once shared happiness and intimacy, but it also leaves a deep emotional gash in one's soul that takes a great deal of time and energy to heal. The dark side to a break-up is that if the relationship is doomed to fail on the outset, it will. When it's over, it's really over. However, the bright side is that a broken relationship, if it is strong enough, can be salvaged. What is lost does not have to stay lost. It can be found, reshaped, and can even become more solid than before. Therefore, the following are some simple steps that you can use to get your ex-girlfriend back, and possibly discover even greater happiness the second time around.
Spend a Substantial Amount of Time Apart - Avoid phone calls, drop-by home visits, and secondhand accounts from friends and others who have updates on your ex-girlfriend. Any reminders through songs and movies should also be avoided. Stay away from what you both shared as your favorite restaurants, parks, clubs, malls, and other hangout spots. Also stay clear of her friends and family members. Lastly, put away other reminders that you have lying around your home such as gifts, photos, greeting cards, her personal feminine products, and clothing items
Engage in Therapeutic Recreation - This will be a very emotional time for you. Therefore, you must give yourself some alone time to grieve. While you do this, give yourself permission to link up with those who are closest to you such as friends and relatives. Involve yourself in healthy activities like long walks in the park, bike trail rides, and even vigorous aerobics workout sessions. Find new hobbies, and fully immerse yourself in new leisurely pursuits. Keep yourself pre-occupied. Do things that will keep you focused on your healing.
Reach Out to Her - After you have mended your heart and are ready to get back into your normal routine, start going out and meeting new people. In the meantime, try reaching out to your ex-girlfriend with either a cell phone text or email message. Your aim is not to get back with her at this point. Your aim is to simply re-acquaint yourself with your ex, so that you can move on. State to your ex that you want for the both of you to be happy, and that you will always care about her. Don't hint at reconnecting. Just use this time to assure your ex that you will still be there for her no matter what. This strategy will show your her that you have left the door open for a reconciliation.
Have a Couple's Summit Meeting - If your ex-girlfriend is open to it, set up a time to meet over drinks or to have lunch. Try to avoid a late night rendez-vous with her. This is the time of the day where the both of you are still quite emotionally vulnerable, and any late night hook-up may put you both at risk of impulsive intimate behavior. This is a peacemaking time. Therefore, you want to spend this time catching up on current news and interests. Keep the meeting short. Spend no more than one hour during this time. At the end of your summit meeting, see if there is any chance of a second summit meeting. If so, arrange it for the following week. You want to take things slowly at this point, and not rush the process. During your second meeting, you will open up to her a little more, and share your feelings about the break-up.
Become Her Friend Again - One of the best things that you can do at this point is to simply to be her friend again. Act as a friend would. Allow her equal time to talk, and listen to her attentively. Console her, and admit to any mistakes or careless deeds. Take responsibility for everything that you have done to your ex-girlfriend that resulted in the break-up, and make sure that you apologize for your part in things. Also, please make sure to refrain from accusations, blame, name-calling, or drama. Show your ex-girlfriend that you can be a good friend, and do so by offering her help whenever she needs it. Be sincere, kind, and considerate. Also, try to even have a few laughs with her. This may help her to realize that you both have a good chance at making up.
Be Kind to Her - In order for you to have a fighting chance at reconciliation, you and your ex-girlfriend must be kind to each other. Communicate with her. Be charming, gentle, and thoughtful, but be firm about what is important to you, and to your relationship. Express what it is that you want and need, and what you would like to gain from your union. Encourage your ex to be just as firm, and to convey her needs as well.
Be Supportive of Her - If your ex-girlfriend needs more time to figure things out, be very patient and allow her that space. You should, under no circumstances, pressure her into getting back with you. Do not smother her or give her an ultimatum. No one likes being put under that type of emotional duress, and your ex-girlfriend is no different. If you want your ex-girlfriend back, allow her the chance to decide if she wants the same thing. Give her time to think things though. Be as understanding as possible, and if it should turn out that she is not interested in getting back with you, calmly accept her decision and move on. However, continue to remain supportive, and be there for her as a friend.
Move Slowly and Cautiously - Move like a turtle. Don't be impatient or desperate in your attempt to get back with your ex-girlfriend. Your desperate act will kill off any chance at reconciliation, and your ex-girlfriend will see you as nothing more than an inconsiderate jerk. Play it cool, and wait. If she wants to truly get back with you, she will. So, during this stage in your relationship, cease moving too fast. In addition, avoid personal bedtime stories. In other words, stay away from discussions that involve intimacy and love-making. Focus solely on slowly rebuilding camaraderie and trust with your ex-girlfriend.
Revisit the Good Times - Casually remind her of some of the good times that you've had together. This will help her to remember how good the two of you were as a loving couple. As far as the bad times go, express your most heartfelt sorrow, and ask for her suggestions on what you can do to make up for those times. Let her know that you will do whatever it takes to make things right; and mean it. If she wants you to dress like a frog, and make frog sounds, do it. Not only will she see your sincerity, but she'll love you that much more for willing to make a fool of yourself just to make her happy. She might even kiss the frog that you are to demonstrate that she views you as her prince.
Attend Couple's Counseling - Lastly, seek professional help. See if she will agree to go with you to relationship counseling sessions for unmarried couples. There are national centers that provide couples counseling to unmarried couples as well as to those that are married. You will find two of them listed in the resources section below. Make sure to attend each session, and express your feelings truthfully. Follow the therapists instructions, and practice them daily. Stay focused on rebuilding your relationship, and never allow whatever caused the break-up to resurface.
Items you will need
- Take things slowly.
- Be supportive of your ex-girlfriend's needs.
- Be a good friend to your ex-girlfriend.
- Take responsibility for your part in the break-up.
- Maintain a positive attitude.
- Don't rush things.
- Never put pressure on her to make up with you.
- Don't argue, blame, or judge her.
- Don't give up hope.