A break-up with the man you love may blindside you. One day you appear to be having a small argument, you sense it escalating, and the next day he is gone "for good." Before you can confront the simple reality that he's gone, you see him with another girl. Not only do you have to deal with getting him back but getting him back from someone else.
Tape a poster board to a wall in your house. Brainstorm the possible reasons why you and your ex had a large enough disagreement to break up. Write your thoughts on the poster board with markers.
Use another poster board to list your most attractive characteristics, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Remember the personality traits and flirtatious techniques that attracted your ex in the first place. Determine whether you have lost some of those things over time.
Use a third poster board to write down the following mistakes one should never make when trying to get an ex back: Do not buy him gifts to win his love back. Do not cry, beg, reason or argue with him about getting back together. Do not give him all the power and leverage. Do not forget how attractive and valuable you are.
Do not contact your ex or show signs of jealously or desperation.
Spend your time doing things you put on hold to be in a relationship with him. Take your mind off of your sadness by working out, picking up a new hobby, perfecting a talent or traveling. Follow the rule of 30 days of no contact, even if he calls, e-mails, texts or writes you.
Be perceptive to his cues; chances are your ex will contact you if you have waited 30 days to contact him. Do not release all of your emotions the first time he contacts you. Wait to see what he has to say and respond calmly as though you are taking the breakup very well.
Practice patience. When your ex wants to meet in person to talk, don't be afraid to dress in a way that makes you feel sexy and tell him about the new things you've been doing and your plans for the future.
Be open, expressive and loving without being desperate. Allow him to feel comfortable enough to admit his feelings, but do not pull them out of him. Forgive him and tell him that you would like to take things slow (even if this isn't true) when he asks to come back to you.
- You can't force anyone to come back to you. The "getting back together" part is largely dependent on your ex. Make sure you never verbally suggest that you get back together, as this will ruin all of the hard work you've done thus far. Relationships are all about a balance of power.
- "The Magic of Making Up"; TW Jackson; 2006
- "How to Take the Ex out of Ex-Boyfriend"; Janette Rallison; 2009
- Datingadvicesecrets.com: The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes You Probably Make with Your Ex—And How to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend or Ex-Boyfriend Back
- Kraig Scarbinsky/Photodisc/Getty Images