A fight with your boyfriend does not necessarily mean that the relationship is in trouble; only that you have some issues to work through. Knowing how to calmly end a fight with your boyfriend can keep your relationship intact and it can make it stronger in the long run.
Let your boyfriend know that you need time to calm down. Tell him you want to continue your conversation after you have both had time to get control of your tempers.
Go to a quiet place for at least 30 minutes. Take some deep breaths and concentrate on getting your temper in check.
Do not spend your quiet time dwelling on the argument or planning out what you want to say next. Put the negative feelings out of your mind so that you can re-start the conversation calmly.
Go Back to the Conversation
Resume the conversation when you and your boyfriend are both calm.
Be careful to display positive body language: Turn toward him, do not cross your arms and keep your face neutral. This will let him know that you are serious about discussing the issue calmly.
Remind your boyfriend that you are both here to talk about the issue at hand, not to nit-pick one another's faults or to argue.
Talk calmly about the problem without blaming your boyfriend. Tell him how you feel about the situation rather than what he has done wrong.
Keep it Positive
Avoid bringing up past arguments or problems by using accusatory phrases like "You always..." or "You never..." Instead, only talk about the present issue.
Listen to your boyfriend's concerns calmly and openly; avoid the temptation to interrupt him and ask him to give you the same courtesy. Do not dismiss his ideas or belittle his opinions.
Try to find a solution to the problem. If you can not agree on a solution, discuss a compromise that would make you both happy.
If all else fails and you can not put an end to the argument, agree to disagree on the subject and try to move on from there. Couples do not have to share the same opinions on every issue.
- If you and your boyfriend can not settle your arguments yourselves, consider enlisting the help of a couples therapist. Sometimes just talking through the problem with a neutral third party can give you some much-needed perspective.
- Get to a safe place and seek immediate help from law enforcement if your arguments ever turn into physical abuse.
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