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Emotional Effects From Having Unresolved Issues in a Relationship

by Sam Grover

Unresolved issues plague every part of your life. If you've been through something in the past but haven't come to terms with it, it can infiltrate your work life, your home life and your relationships. Indeed, relationships are particularly vulnerable because they involve a closeness that the other parts of your life do not. You should be aware of these effects in order to deal with them by dealing with the unresolved issues themselves.

External Blame

Unresolved issues often result in people blaming others for the way they feel. If, for example, someone feels unhappy because of the way a boyfriend cheated on her in college, she could attribute this unhappiness to a variety of other things. She could tell herself that college was a long time ago, but she's angry now because her current boyfriend left the butter out on the counter. So, if the issue goes unresolved the woman likely will continue to think that her unhappiness is coming from current, benign problems rather than her past, major problem.

Self Deception

Unresolved issues often go unresolved because the people who have them refuse to confront them. Rather, they just tell themselves that they don't have any problems and that everything is fine. This is a major emotional effect because it creates a subconscious identity crisis. People who are lying to themselves don't really know themselves and therefore find it harder to get to know other people.

Boiling Over

Unresolved issues often boil over. If you don't talk about the things that are bothering you, but rather just try to ignore them and push them aside, one person in a relationship might simply leave. This is an extremely negative emotional effect because not only is one person leaving, the person with the unresolved issues will be caught off guard. What's more, it is now too late to resolve these issues. If you wait too long to resolve your issues you risk them becoming far more pronounced and causing so much damage that there's no going back.

Lack of Closeness

Unresolved issues create a barrier in a relationship. The unresolved issues affect your every word and action, keeping you from acting like yourself. This in turn makes it harder for your partner to get close to you, because the issues are polluting your every word and action. So this results in a relationship that is not as close or intimate as it could be.

About the Author

Sam Grover began writing in 2005, also having worked as a behavior therapist and teacher. His work has appeared in New Zealand publications "Critic" and "Logic," where he covered political and educational issues. Grover graduated from the University of Otago with a Bachelor of Arts in history.

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