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How Do I Talk to My Girlfriend if She Is Angry?

by Lanh Ma

If your girlfriend is angry with you, it can make communication difficult. She may make herself unavailable, become sarcastic, distant or even refuse to admit that anything is wrong. Anger is something that can fester, turning a small issue into something much larger and more difficult to deal with. If you need to talk with an angry girlfriend, take steps to ensure that your message gets across.

Remain calm. Licensed clinical psychologist Nadia Persun, in her Psych Central article, asks, "What is needed in the presence of a hot-headed person? A cool-headed person." Allow your girlfriend to express her anger without allowing her anger to cause you to respond with anger of your own. Take some deep breaths or ask to be excused if you need to use healthy coping strategies to maintain your cool.

Give your girlfriend time to cool off. If she has become angry over something that just happened, give her time to cool down and to sort out how she feels. You may wish to wait a day or so before contacting her again.

Contact your girlfriend and request a face-to-face meeting. If she turns you down, emphasize that you wish to talk with her and smooth things over and that she is important to you. If it makes her more comfortable, offer to meet with her at a place of her own choosing.

Talk about what has made her angry. If what has made her angry was something that you did, explain it to her. If you were at fault, apologize and tell her how you are planning to fix the behavior. Do not offer an apology unless it is sincere.

Remind your girlfriend that you care about her and value your relationship. For an added touch, offer a nice gift, like an appreciate card or a bouquet of flowers.

Plan for the future. Talk with your girlfriend about how the two of you can work to resolve conflicts as they arise. Create a code of conduct that the two of you follow, such as not going to bed angry, no name-calling or saying mean, hurtful things when angered or hearing each other out without interruptions during disputes. Putting these guidelines in place could save you and your girlfriend from saying things that are difficult to take back once you are no longer upset.

Tip

  • Re-establish physical contact as soon as possible. Touching and hugging are both ways to feel closer to each other after a fight.

Photo Credits

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