Detecting an emotionally unhealthy man may save you from wasting time in an unproductive relationship, or worse, being hurt by someone malicious. While it may be difficult to initially tell if a man is unhealthy, there are a few things to watch for that should be considered "red flags". Getting too involved with a man with too much baggage can be painful and damaging, so it is important to pay attention to your man's characteristics and choose not to ignore warning signs.
Look Out for Signs of Emotional Unavailability
One way a man can be emotionally unhealthy is to be emotionally unavailable, or unable to connect with you on a deeper level. Darlene Lancer reports on "PsychCentral" that there are a few characteristics of an emotionally unavailable person to watch out for: someone who is addicted to control, easily angered, rude to others, arrogant or evasive. He may also be seductive at the beginning of your relationship, but sabotage the relationship once it starts to get genuine.
Build Your Relationship Gradually
In, "How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved", author Sandra Brown stresses that you are always the one who should be in charge of the pace of an intimate relationship, and that the pace should be slow. She explains that pathological men want the relationship to appear profound in order to draw you in and keep you addicted before you figure out that the relationship is unhealthy. Be careful to listen to your gut if you have any feelings of uneasiness, and get out of the relationship if he keeps you from having an outside life.
Reflect On His Enduring Habits
Brown also emphasizes the importance of refusing to believe that you can change a man whose behavior is unhealthy. Instead, recognize that an unhealthy man will likely always be an unhealthy man, and if he does not choose to change, he will keep up with his destructive habits. Brown uses womanizing, unemployment and addictions as examples of negative habits that are practiced by many unhealthy men.
Look at His Past Relationships
Reflecting on the past relationships he has held with women will give you a good sense of the kind of man he is. According to Sandra Brown, men who have difficulty being alone will start new relationships without analyzing why their past ones have failed. This can lead to a destructive cycle, as well as keep the man from ever learning what he is doing to cause to the demise of his relationships. Furthermore, if your man has no sense of responsibility for his failed relationships, take this as a warning signal and move on.
- How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved; Sandra L. Brown
- PsychCentral: How to Spot Emotional Unavailability
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