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How to Deepen Intimacy: Intimate Questions to Ask Your Partner

by K. Nola Mokeyane

While some forms of questioning make people feel they are being interrogated, asking meaningful, open-ended questions about your partner's thoughts and life experiences is a great way to deepen the intimacy between the two of you. Relationships are often stimulated and renewed when you learn more about one another. As a nice touch, create a warm, relaxed atmosphere to set the mood for learning more about your mate.

Childhood Memories

Encouraging your partner to return to his childhood is a fun exercise that allows him to open up so that you can learn more about him. Ask him questions such as, “As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?” and “What was your favorite childhood pastime?” You can also ask, “What was your favorite car when you were a kid?” or “Who was your favorite superhero, and why?” Asking him to recall his favorite Halloween costume, his worst Christmas gift or the weirdest outfit or hairstyle he wore in his youth can stimulate great conversation and give you a glimpse into your partner's formative years.

Great Adventures

Your partner has probably had several great adventures that have lain dormant in her memory as her life has progressed and her responsibilities have shifted. Ask her to take you on a ride to places she’s been, and encourage her to share some of the most meaningful aspects of these experiences. Ask her, “What was the first trip you ever took as an adult?” and “What was the most special part about that experience?” You can also ask, “What was the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?” or “What was the scariest experience you’ve ever had?” Asking these kinds of questions allows your partner to relive fun experiences while you learn more about her interests and life experiences.

Dreams and Desires

Discussing dreams and desires can promote deeper intimacy between you and your partner. Encourage your partner to share some of his dreams, hopes and fantasies with you by asking questions such as, “If you could have any job or career in the world, what would it be and why?” or “If you won the lottery tomorrow, how would you spend your winnings?” These questions provide insight into your partner’s likes and interests. You could ask your partner, “If I were a genie and I could grant you three wishes, what would your three wishes be?” You could also get more intimate and ask about your partner's sexual fantasies. Not only do you learn more about your partner with these questions, but you can also come up with new ways to stimulate him and nurture your relationship.

Ask The "What Ifs?"

Perusing the “what ifs” -- or exploring what she would do under extraordinary circumstances -- can be fun, encourage awareness and even encourage your partner to be more vulnerable with you. Fun “what if” questions include, “If you could be any celebrity, who would you be?” A “what if” question that encourages deeper awareness of your partner's personality -- as well as one that encourages vulnerability due to its reflective nature -- is, “If you could write a letter to your younger self, what would it say?” When asking questions, be sure to listen attentively and fully to what your partner shares to show that you really want to know more about her. Don’t judge your partner’s answers, and don’t get offended by wild experiences that she had in the past -- after all, she was open and honest enough to share these things with you.

About the Author

K. Nola Mokeyane has written professionally since 2006, and has contributed to various online publications, including "Global Post" and Modern Mom. Nola enjoys writing about health, wellness and spirituality. She is a member of the Atlanta Writer's Club.

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