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How to Deal With Someone You Just Met That Is Rushing a Relationship

by Maura Banar, studioD

The euphoric feelings that occur in the beginning of a relationship have the potential to impair your judgment. Sometimes a person gets so caught up in those early feelings that he rushes the relationship, trying to quickly take it to a more serious level. You should keep in mind that a research study published in the May 2009 issue of "CNS Spectrums" points out that rushing a relationship can be a characteristic of pathological love. While this might not be the case with you and someone you just met, it is still essential to identify and enforce realistic boundaries in a new relationship.

Communicate your feelings about being rushed in the relationship. Communication is the first line of defense against something that doesn't feel "right." According to the George Mason University Sexual Assault Services website, you need to be assertive when you're communicating in a relationship. If someone you just met is pushing a bit more than is acceptable to you, you need to make it clear that you aren't feeling the need to move closer so quickly. In being assertive, it isn't necessary to provide a detailed explanation for your feelings, nor do you need to give your suitor an excuse.

Identify and communicate your boundaries. Setting boundaries isn't a rejection, even if the person pursuing you interprets them that way. For example, you might feel the need to tell the other person that you only want to speak on the phone once a day rather than once an hour. According to Johnson State College's online publication, "Things You Should Know About Boundary Setting," stating that you need things to slow down can provide you with the benefit of delaying any progress in the relationship. As long as your suitor abides by your stated need to put on the brakes, you'll have the opportunity to process how you're feeling about the relationship. If the other person isn't willing to respect your boundaries, it might be time to consider distancing yourself from him.

Create physical and communication distances between you and the person who is pursuing things too quickly. Actions can speak volumes more than words in some cases. It might be necessary for you to significantly limit or cease contact with the person who wants more of a relationship than you. Thanks to modern technology, it's easier than ever to screen phone calls and choose if and when you will respond to texts or emails.

Appeal to your social support network -- which can include friends, family and coworkers. These people can provide you with emotional support, a sense of security and an alternative to the intensity of a relationship that feels rushed. They can offer third-party perspectives concerning your relationship. It might not be easy to hear what they have to say, but their opinions can help you make a more informed decision as to whether you want to continue with your relationship, given the other person's behaviors.

About the Author

Maura Banar has been a professional writer since 2001 and is a psychotherapist. Her work has appeared in "Imagination, Cognition and Personality" and "Dreaming: The Journal of the International Association for the Study of Dreams." Banar received her Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Buffalo State College and her Master of Arts in mental health counseling from Medaille College.

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