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How to Deal With a Negative Boyfriend

by Lars Tramilton

Being around negative people can put a damper on your mood. The problem is often amplified when you are involved in a relationship with such a person. Staying upbeat and on track can be really difficult when you are around someone who has a doom and gloom attitude -- and the feelings can rub off on you. Learn how to handle being around a boyfriend who has a negative outlook on life.

Avoid arguments and maintain a calm demeanor. If your boyfriend is prone to negativity, refrain from arguing with him when possible. Arguing will simply reinforce his bad attitude. Give him time and allow him to deal with his negative feelings on his own. Do not try to sway him to see things your way, as he may just need space to handle his emotions.

Request explanations. If your boyfriend is upset about something and makes a general statement such as "All people are total jerks," try to connect with him by knowing and understanding what is making him say that. Do not blow off what he is saying as pure negativity and instead sincerely ask him to get into more detail with specific experiences. Show him that you are interested in listening to his point of view and that you care about his feelings.

Establish strict boundaries. Even if you care about your boyfriend, it is important for you to consider your own feelings. Listening to constant negativity can impact your life; put a cap on how much of it you can handle. For instance, determine that you will only spend five or 10 minutes a day listening to him complain. If you do not decide on these solid boundaries, you put yourself in the position of allowing his negativity to spiral out of control and affect your life.

Walk in his shoes. Sometimes, all a negative person really wants is compassion. Instead of being quick to dismiss whatever your boyfriend is complaining about, take a minute to envision what he is saying. Picture yourself in his exact situation and imagine how you would feel. Avoid telling him to calm down or forget about something, and perhaps even tell him that you can imagine how he feels. If you make an attempt to empathize with him, it may help strengthen your bond.

Lighten his mood. If your boyfriend is reacting negatively to something, try to get him to smile and lighten up by telling him a joke or encouraging him to watch a relaxing show. Show him a little bit of humor but also make sure that it doesn't come across like you are not taking his feelings seriously.

Ask him about the good things in his life. Promote feelings of positivity in your boyfriend by helping him focus on the things in his life that make him feel good, whether it is his relationship with you, his favorite hobbies or the sight of his beloved dog sleeping under his feet.

Tip

  • Ask yourself if your relationship with your negative boyfriend is worth having to constantly handle his negative attitude. If your answer is "no" or even "probably not," then move on to a more positive and fruitful future without him.

About the Author

Lars Tramilton has been writing professionally since 2007. His work has appeared in a variety of online publications, including CareerWorkstation. Tramilton received a bachelor's degree with a focus on elementary education from Kean University.

Photo Credits

  • Goodshoot/Goodshoot/Getty Images