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How to Deal with a Friend Who Said Rude Things

by Zora Hughes

It can be shocking and hurtful when you hear a good friend say rude things about you or someone close to you, especially if he is talking to other people. Whether you are at a large party or just hanging with a few pals, if you feel hurt by this friend's comments, you need to address the situation. As long as you approach your friend in a respectful and calm manner, a good friend should be willing to hear you out and make amends for the rude thing he said.

Talk to your friend as soon as possible. Don't let your feeling about what your friend said fester to the point where you blow up at her about it. Addressing the issue in a timely fashion also gives you the chance to nip the situation in the bud to prevent it from happening again.

Talk to your friend alone. Take him aside to discuss his rudeness. You will just embarrass him by calling him out in front of everyone, which can make the situation worse.

Explain to your friend how you felt she was being rude calmly and without attitude. If you approach her with a negative attitude, she could say you are the one being rude, defeating the purpose of trying to discuss the issue, notes the Miss Manners column on College Candy.

Don't assume that your friend was being rude on purpose. Seek clarification by asking if he realized how what he said affected you or others, advises Linda Tropp on Oprah.com.

Give your friend a chance to explain. Perhaps she did not realize her comments were rude. Or she might have said rude things to you or someone else in retaliation for something that happened earlier. That doesn't make it right, but some context will help you and your friend discuss the issue.

Initiate a resolution. If your friend seems reluctant to apologize for his rudeness, tactfully initiate a resolution that doesn't make it seem like you are making him apologize. If he was rude to someone else, you might say, "Perhaps you should pull Lisa aside and explain that you weren't trying to be rude." If he was rude to you, you might say, "I'm sorry if you were upset about something that happened earlier, but in the future I'd appreciate if you just talk to me about it, instead of making comments in front of everyone."

Know when to end a tense conversation. If your friend insists that she was not rude and refuses to acknowledge or apologize for her wrongdoing, it is time to step back. Tell your friend that when you both cool off you might see things from each other's perspective. If she is a good friend, the two of you should be able to work things out when you both calm down. If not, it is time to reconsider how important the friendship is to you.

About the Author

Based in Los Angeles, Zora Hughes has been writing travel, parenting, cooking and relationship articles since 2010. Her work includes writing city profiles for Groupon. She also writes screenplays and won the S. Randolph Playwriting Award in 2004. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in television writing/producing and a Master of Arts Management in entertainment media management, both from Columbia College.

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