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How to Deal With a Domineering Partner

by braniac

If your partner pushes you around, is demanding or controlling, read on to learn how to end it.

The most important rule you can know to prepare you to deal with an overbearing person is the most fundamental law of behavioral psychology. That rule is, "Unrewarded behaviors do not continue." When dealing with your partner you will have to remind yourself of this many times.

You will need to retain your composure and avoid becoming upset. This is much easier said than done, but there are many techniques to help you. Counting to ten with your eyes closed, taking slow deep breaths and reminding yourself that a tirade must end are all viable options.

Wait until your partner makes a demand and say no in a calm, courteous manner. When he persists, look him in the eyes and repeat yourself. Do not offer an explanation. If he becomes belligerent remember to remain calm. Do not yell back. Say, "I will not respond to bullying," and continue what you were doing.

Do not give in. If your partner becomes violent, leave and call the police. If she tries to bargain with you or threaten you tell her you said no, and that is final. Do not discuss it. You have made up your mind and you will stick with it.

Remember what your partner wanted. When he's not been bossy for a couple of days reward him with what he had wanted, if it isn't unpleasant to you. Remember, though, even if what your partner wants is something you'd want as well, do not do it if they behave poorly.

Do not be domineering in return. Be assertive and in control of yourself, but also be considerate and courteous. The only way to truly teach is by example and so you must set a good one for your partner or they will pick apart your behavior to look for excuses to do what they want.

The true aim of a domineering person is to assert control over you to make up for the control they feel they don't have over themselves. Make your own plans and stick to them. Allow your partner to be a part of them, and encourage her to make her own plans as well. Actively be a part of them, and when they become too controlling go back to step 1 and remember that behavior modification is a long, but very rewarding, process.

Tips

  • Punishment only works if completely consistent and only in the presence of the punisher
  • Unrewarded behavior becomes extinct
  • Discover why you put up with domination and put an end to it

Warnings

  • Violence is never acceptable, DO NOT ACCEPT IT.
  • Losing your temper means your partner wins