our everyday life

How to Deal With a Boyfriend Who Will Not Commit

by Jennifer VanBaren

It is hard for a woman to deal with a boyfriend who simply will not commit, especially when it is a long-term relationship. There are numerous reasons for guys not to commit and it often has nothing to do with the woman. Men can fear relationships because of past relationships or other problems, and because of this, they are often willing to live with their girlfriends and have a relationship, but are never willing to take the next step. If you are with a guy like this, try these approaches to help you and hopefully convince him to commit.

Analyze the relationship. Determine if the reasons he is not committing has anything to do with you. A lot of times, men do not commit because they do not have to. Many women do not require a commitment from their boyfriends and, therefore, they never decide to completely commit.

Discuss what you want. Make a list of the things you want out of this relationship and present it to him through a conversation. Include details about becoming engaged, married, having children, merging finances and where you want to live. Make these things clear to him when you present them. Be diplomatic when discussing these things and let him know that these are requirements, not options.

State a deadline date. For each item, tell him specifically when you want these things. If you want to be engaged by the end of the year and married within six months of that, tell him clearly so that he understands.

Give him an ultimatum. In a kind way, tell him how important these things are to you, as well as the timeframe you have outlined. Explain to him that if he does not have the same aspirations, to let you know because you are not willing to compromise. Remind him how much you love him and desire to do these things with him, but explain that if he is not ready, then maybe this relationship should end. Prepare yourself to accept that he might choose to end the relationship if he is still not willing to commit.

Leave him. You must follow through with what you said. If you do not, he will continue to avoid committing to you. If the timeline passes and certain things are not done, or even close to happening, pack up and leave.

Work it out with him after leaving. If you leave him and he is persistent about getting back together, make sure that he agrees to the commitments you discussed previously. If you feel that he is sincere, you might decide to give him one more try, but you also might choose not to.

Photo Credits

  • Goodshoot/Goodshoot/Getty Images