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Dating Behaviors That Scare Men Away

by Nina Edwards

Knowing how not to scare men away can be the difference between a long-term, fulfilling relationship and seemingly endless nights of loneliness. You just started dating a great guy. It has only been a few weeks, but the first few weeks are the key to getting to know each other. You don’t want to do anything that will scare him off. If you know the behaviors that scare men away, you will have a better chance of closing the deal with Mr. Right.

Lack of Confidence

Men do not find low self-esteem attractive. People with low self-esteem tend to believe that their partners feel the same way about them as they do about themselves. One scary, low self-esteem behavior is fishing for compliments. Men may become frustrated with this constant need for affirmation and give up trying to reassure you. Realize that you are attractive. That is why he is with you. If you believe it, then he will, too.

Possessiveness Isn't Pretty

There is a thin line between protective and possessive behavior, and you want to stay on the right side of it. If your guy left his cellphone in a room with you just after finishing a conversation with another woman, and you call her back to let her know that he is yours, then you have moved from protective to possessive. Men do not find that type of behavior attractive and are likely to be scared off by it. You want to show him that you trust him. Being able to control your clingy and/or possessive nature, especially early on in the relationship, will give him the comfort to stay with you.

Hopping Straight Into Bed

If you are having consensual sex in the first week or two -- be careful. Clinical psychologist Seth Meyers in the article “Four Rules for Surviving Dating: How to Find Lasting Love” on PsychologyToday.com suggests that holding out may actually be the best way to discover emotional compatibility. If you offer sex early on, even on the first date, he’ll take it. He’s a guy, but he may have questions about your past promiscuity.

Negative Talk About Exes

Whether it’s your first date or a few months into a relationship, saying bad things about your ex is a surefire way to send him packing. If you say negative things about someone else, he may think you would do the same to him. Furthermore, he may interpret this as not taking your share of responsibility. Surely, you were not perfect. It takes two people to make a relationship work, and if you can’t identify things you can do to improve, there is nothing stopping you from repeating the same mistakes with him.

About the Author

Nina Edwards holds a doctorate in clinical psychology and has been writing about families and relationships since 2000. She has numerous publications in scholarly journals and often writes for relationship websites as well. Edwards is a university lecturer and practicing psychologist in New York City.

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