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How to Get the Courage to Ask People Out

by Kathryn Rateliff Barr

Asking someone out on a date might make you uncomfortable and worried about rejection, but you have to put it in perspective. You aren’t asking that person for a long-term commitment or offering to move her into your house. It’s a date and the purpose is to get to know this person more fully and find out if she could be a romantic interest. Take a deep breath and decide you can.

Receptive Signs

When you observe the person you want to ask out, look for signs that your attention is returned, suggests the “Psychology Today” article, “The Nice Girl's Guide to Asking a Guy Out.” Check to see that he returns your smile when you smile at him. When you talk to him, he should lean in, pay attention, meet your eyes, or other signs that he’s interested in you. When you touch him on the arm or the hand, you get a positive response such as a smile or a reciprocating touch. The more receptive he is to your attention, the more likely he is to agree when you ask him out.

Be Confident

Confidence is sexy, according to the “Today” episode, “Confidence is Key: Guys on What Makes a Woman Sexy.” When you are confident, you invite people to get to know you. You come off as authentic and at ease with yourself, which invites others to be at ease with you. Decide that she just could say “yes” when you ask her out. A tentative approach that says you expect a negative response isn’t sexy or appealing. Stand up straight. Look her in the eye and smile with your mouth and your eyes.

Have a Plan

Have a plan when you ask him out, such as where you want to go on the date and when you want to go, suggests eHarmony staff in the article “How to Ask Someone-Out on a Date." A vague suggestion to go do something sometime isn’t definite enough to answer. If you aren’t sure what venue to suggest or what day is best, ask leading questions, such as “Are there any movies you can’t wait to see?” or “What kind of food do you prefer?” These little hints can help you decide which options she is most likely to say “yes” to, according to Cosmopolitan Magazine article, “How to Ask a Guy Out -- How to Make The First Move."

Redirecting or Moving On

If he doesn’t immediately agree to a date, it could be that he needs to think about it or you haven’t offered the correct venue. Ask if another time would be better or if a different date would be more appealing. Flexibility is necessary when trying to arrange schedules, according to eHarmony. If he just isn’t interested, you can find someone else who is. It is as if he is the only person to ask out or that you’re doomed to be dateless for life.

About the Author

Rev. Kathryn Rateliff Barr has taught birth, parenting, vaccinations and alternative medicine classes since 1994. She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and foster children. She holds bachelor's degrees in English and history from Centenary College of Louisiana. Studies include midwifery, naturopathy and other alternative therapies.

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