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How to Cope When Your Ex-Boyfriend Has a New Girlfriend

by Emma Wells

Whether he dumped you or you let him go, seeing your ex-boyfriend with a new girlfriend is always a little jarring. How do you deal with possible feelings of jealousy, anger or sadness without coming off like a crazy ex? Use all of your self-control to focus on you instead of him and, especially, instead of her. When you guys broke up, all of your claims to him vanished, and everything about your romantic relationship is in the past. Take a deep breath and concentrate on your future because you’re bound to meet someone better.

Avoid spending too much time with them. Even if you’re still friends with your ex, when he moves on and starts dating someone new, the dynamic between you is going to change. Protect your feelings by spending more time with your other friends so that his new girlfriend isn’t always in your line of vision, and, therefore, always on your mind. You will think less about the breakup and heal faster anyway if you socialize regularly with different friends.

Resist the urge to compare. Women have a tendency to instantly compare themselves to other women, especially if there’s some competition involved. But your ex’s new girlfriend isn’t competition anyway because you guys ended your relationship and he’s free to see other people. Sex and love advice columnist Judy McGuire, writing for “The Frisky” website, advises women to avoid giving the new girl the once-over. McGuire says it won’t make your day better if you decide that you were a better catch, and you shouldn’t let it ruin your day if she’s younger or thinner. Obsessing over how you compare to the new girlfriend is a waste of time.

Start dating again. Your ex declaring a public relationship with a new girlfriend symbolizes his decision to move on, and really, the only thing that will help you truly get over this breakup is to find someone new. Ask out that cute guy from your office, let your friends know you’re ready to be matched up or register with a dating website and get yourself back out there. If you can keep it together and move on with your life, people will admire your ability to cope gracefully with adverse situations.

About the Author

Emma Wells has been writing professionally since 2004. She is also a writing instructor, editor and former elementary school teacher. She has a Master's degree in writing and a Bachelor of Arts in English and anthropology. Her creative work has been published in several small literary magazines.

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