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How to Convince Your Lover Not to Be Shy

by C. Giles, studioD

Many people claim to be shy. So your lover is not alone, although she may feel that way. Shyness may be an issue in a close relationship because the shy person suffers from a lack of confidence and finds it difficult to relax and get close to her partner -- both emotionally and physically. By showing your lover compassion and support, you can help her overcome some of her shyness.

Compliment your lover to boost her confidence. Tell her what you love about her, both inside and out. Regular, heartfelt compliments may help her become less shy. Reveal ways in which she makes you feel good about yourself, for example, "I feel so special when you look into my eyes" or "You're such a good listener. I always feel better when I've shared a problem with you."

Avoid drawing attention to your lover's shyness. Shy people are extremely self-aware. Do everything you can to put her at ease when you are alone together. Look out for signs that she is feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable, such as blushing, fidgeting or being unable to make eye contact. Change the subject or make a joke to help her relax. Treat your lover with affection and care at all times. It may take time, but the more she feels at ease in your company and trusts that you have her best interests at heart, the less shy she will be with you.

Take things in the bedroom at your lover's pace. She may be too shy to let you see her naked, or she may want to make love with the lights off. Be patient and focus on building up her confidence. Find a compromise wherever possible, such as dimming the lights or lighting candles. Give your lover lots of verbal reassurances during intimate times to boost her confidence. Tell her what your fantasies are and encourage her to do the same because you want to make her happy.

Accept your lover for who she is and don't expect her to change overnight. Her patterns of behavior have been part of her for her entire life. Her shyness is part of her personality, which is what makes her the person you love. She is unlikely to turn into an extrovert. But with love, support and patience, you can help her come out of her shell a little.

About the Author

C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."

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