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How to Change Your Relationship When You're Not Happy

by Jaime Vargas-Benitez

When you find yourself unhappy in your relationship it may be time to make some changes. Do your best to stay positive and not let little issues turn into large arguments. Realize that you cannot change your partner, but you can change yourself. When you put effort into bettering yourself, it can inspire your partner to do the same. If you feel like your relationship issues are more than you can handle, try couples counseling.

Stop Being a Negativity Nelly

You cannot change your relationship, if negative thoughts rule your mind. Stop complaining about every thing your partner does. Start looking for ways to stay positive, advises medical doctor and life coach Susan Biali in her article, "Five Ways to Save Your Love Relationship." Does your partner come home late without calling? Do not sit around fuming in anger waiting to yell at him when he walks in the door. Use that time to read a book, or call a friend. Do what you can to stay in a positive frame of mind.

Stop Trying to Win

All couples fight at some point. When all you care about is winning an argument you will find yourself in a power struggle with your partner, says psychologist Margaret Paul in her article, "7 Ways To Improve Your Relationship." Instead of trying to be right, stop fighting and listen to your partner. Speak in calm, rational tones. Try to see the issues from your partner's point of view. Let go of trying to control your partner and realize you are both on the same team.

Creating Change

If you are unhappy in your relationship look for what you can change about yourself, like practicing more patience, or better communication skills. Do not focus on what your partner needs to change, because you have no control over what he does, advises professor of Family Sciences Douglas A. Abbott in his article "Change Yourself and Change Your Marriage." When you attempt to change your partner, he will most likely resist and become defensive. When you work on changing your behavior, you act as an inspiration to your partner. When he sees you making positive changes, he may want to join you.

Seek Counseling

Many couples do not seek counseling until it is too late. When a couple seeks counseling following a couple troublesome months, as opposed to years, there is a better chance at saving the relationship, says psychologist Margarita Tartakovsky in her article, "8 Surprising Myths About Relationships." A counselor can provide the couple with tools to be used throughout the life of the relationship. Counselors can teach trust, communication and compromise exercises to the couple. Couples therapy may be the best way to change an unhappy relationship.

About the Author

Jaime Vargas-Benitez has been a parenting writer since 2010. She has worked in the child wellness field in various roles for over 20 years. Along with the experiences of raising her own kids, she has been privileged enough to participate in the raising of hundreds of other children as well.

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