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How Can I Regain My Romantic Feelings for My Spouse?

by Jennifer Oster

Many people miss the feeling of new love -- that feeling of lust and excitement that you get when you're falling in love with someone new. Remind yourself that you'll likely never have that feeling again, because love evolves and adapts. Coming to terms with this is essential before trying to regain feelings for your spouse. Don't expect those exact feelings to come back, but do know that you can still experience new and exciting things together that may reignite your feelings.

Communicate

Be open and honest with your spouse. Talk about your concerns with her openly. While this may be hard for her to process, if she knows that there is a lack of romantic feelings, she can work with you to bring romance back into the relationship. Relationships can only be successful if there are two people involved who are willing to work through the hard times.

Spend Time Together

Many married couples become so engrossed in everyday life, such as kids, work and other responsibilities that they forget to nurture their marriage. This is an essential part of a successful marriage. You must spend time together -- quality time -- in order to remain romantically involved. How romantic is talking about bills or taking the kids to soccer practice? It's not. You must schedule time for each other to go on dates and to talk. Even though it may seem like a chore at first, you'll find that the more time you spend just enjoying each other's company, the more likely you'll be to regain that spark.

The Small Things Count

Dating your spouse probably involved you both being more aware of the other's feelings and needs. You probably did small things regularly for each other that meant a lot, but over time, you may have forgotten how much these things really helped romanticize your relationship. Text your spouse mid-day just to say Hi! to ask how she's doing or to flirt. Leave love notes in her lunch bag or in her car. Help around the house preemptively, without her having to ask. The little things can go a long way in recreating a special bond with your spouse.

Realize that Feelings Change

Many people miss the feeling of new love -- that feeling of lust and excitement that you get when you're falling in love with someone new. Remind yourself that you'll likely never have that feeling again because love evolves and adapts. Coming to terms with this is essential before trying to regain feelings for your spouse. Don't expect those exact feelings to come back, but do know that you can still experience new and exciting things together that may reignite your feelings.

Remember Why

If you're having trouble reigniting the flame, sit down and think about why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place. Make a list of all of his qualities that you loved when you first met. You married him for a reason, and those reasons were probably valid. Remind yourself of these things and you may see a change in your own attitude towards him, which can help recover some long lost feelings.

About the Author

Jennifer Oster holds a Bachelor of Arts in social sciences from Louisiana State University and is also a certified lactation counselor. An expert in the field of infant and maternal nutrition, she began writing professionally in 2005 and has been featured in many nationally acclaimed magazines.

Photo Credits

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