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Can Lack of Intimacy Ruin a Marriage?

by Christa Orion

At the beginning of a marriage, emotions run high. Love is strong and the desire for one another is even stronger. However, time takes a toll on the novelty of marriage. Loss of intimacy, boredom or monotony can result from the inevitable aging of a relationship. Is it possible for this loss to ruin a once great relationship?

Her Side

You may not be the only one who wants to reignite the spark.

A woman needs attention. In a seemingly boring marriage, a woman may notice every happy couple as they romantically frolic together. Feelings of jealousy or envy may build up as she battles with the television for her man's attention. She wants to get that spark back. A constant (and usually silent) fight like this can build to an even bigger issue of resentment with the relationship.

His Side

Different perspectives can lead to misunderstanding in the bedroom.

A man may focus more on the sexual aspects of intimacy. He may see the action of sex as intimacy in itself, whereas a woman may feel as if the actions leading to sex are what count. The frustration and misunderstanding surrounding intimacy within a relationship can eventually lead to a complete halt in any physical activities. As a result, a woman may feel undesirable and a man may feel emasculated, putting additional stress on the marriage.

Tension

Lack of intimacy causes tension.

Without realizing it, each partner in the relationship may be a cause of the lack of intimacy. Miscommunication may lead to the eventual demise of a once exciting relationship. Feelings of anger can result as each person believes the loss of interest is the fault of the other. In reality, the interest likely has not been lost; the tension of the lack of intimacy has caused the loss of intimacy.

Getting Love Back

Don't be afraid to initiate intimacy.

Losing feelings of want and desire for your loved one is a step toward a failed relationship. Men and women both have a natural yearning for love and intimacy. In his article, "Sexuality and Marital Intimacy," psychologist Kalman Heller notes that sex and intimacy can act as a tension destroyer in a marriage. Be the one to initiate moments of lust -- lust is what made the new relationship so exciting, after all. Good communication and healthy expression of feelings, as well as a simple reminder that he is irresistible or that she is beautiful, can put the relationship back on track.

About the Author

Christa Orion is a psychologist in training with focus on family and relationship health. She has years of experience working with individuals going through domestic issues.

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