our everyday life

How to Calm the Butterflies Around the Guy You Like

by K. Nola Mokeyane

Having butterflies in your stomach when you're around a guy you like is fairly normal -- it becomes an issue when the butterflies become so intense that they immobilize you or hold you back from interacting with your crush. Success comes from your ability to control the anxiety and nervousness you feel around your crush -- not from the absence of this anxiety, says doctor of social and personality psychology, Jeremy Nicholson, writing for "Psychology Today."

Deep-Breathing

When you see the guy you like and the butterflies flutter in your stomach, you may also experience a shortness of breath. Shallow breathing often prolongs anxiety, says the Better Health Channel. To manage the nervousness you feel around your crush, try taking a few deep, abdominal breaths to calm yourself. When you're calm, you'll be able to make more rational decisions -- such as saying "Hello" when the guy you like makes eye contact -- instead of running in the opposite direction out of fear. To successfully practice deep, abdominal breathing, HelpGuide.org recommends you breath in through your nose -- allowing your stomach to extend outward -- and out through your mouth as your stomach muscles contract and draw inward.

Focus on the Positive

Thinking the worst about potential interactions between you and the object of your affections could cause you to experience butterflies. Nicholson recommends that you refrain from reading things negatively and avoid making judgments or assumptions about things that the guy you like does. For instance, if you see the guy you like interacting with other women, don't assume that he's trying to date all of them and has no interest in you. He could simply be a nice, friendly guy who values maintaining healthy relationships with others. Don't focus on your shortcomings when you're around the guy you like. If you're focused on the fact that you're having a bad hair day or need a new wardrobe, you may draw unwanted attention to these opinions of yourself whether it's your intention to do so or not.

Focus on Him, not Yourself

Become more present during your interactions with the guy you like instead of focusing on yourself. Take the time to really listen to what he says and notice his body language, the way he smiles and his level of eye contact, recommends Nicholson. Avoid thinking too much about yourself when he's around. Ask questions to learn more about him and try not to think about what your rebuttal will be to what he might say. Be in the moment, and maintain a sincere level of curiosity about him and anything he shares with you about his life.

Challenge Anxiety-Producing Thoughts

HelpGuide.org recommends that you learn to challenge anxious thoughts when you're around the guy you like. In addition to focusing on positives, it's useful to analyze frightening thoughts you have about interacting with the guy you like so that you can gain a more balanced perspective. As opposed to viewing your thoughts as facts, or "the ultimate truth," HelpGuide.org recommends that you question your thoughts and test them for validity. Ask yourself questions such as, "Is there another way to look at this situation?" or "Are my thoughts helping me or hurting me right now?" Learning to challenge distorted thoughts that may emerge when you're around the guy you like can make it easier to interact with him by giving you more control over your anxiety.

About the Author

K. Nola Mokeyane has written professionally since 2006, and has contributed to various online publications, including "Global Post" and Modern Mom. Nola enjoys writing about health, wellness and spirituality. She is a member of the Atlanta Writer's Club.

Photo Credits

  • Jupiterimages/Goodshoot/Getty Images