As the song says, breaking up is hard to do. There are times when breaking up is the best decision for both parties in a relationship. If one partner is in love, and the other isn’t, then the relationship should end. It may be painful, but breaking up allows both partners to find balanced love relationships. Ending a relationship is painful no matter how it’s done, but there are a few things that can take the sting out of a breakup.
Think about the relationship and what you want to say. It doesn’t matter whether your feelings didn’t grow the same as your partner or your feelings have changed. Neither situation makes you or your partner bad people or means you have done anything wrong. It's important to emphasize that the break up is no one's fault.
Talk in person. It may seem easier to break up by voice mail, email or even text. These methods are all one-sided, freeing you from listening as the person cries or argues. They don’t show respect for the person or the relationship that is ending. Just as you are expressing your feelings, you need to give your partner the same opportunity.
Thank the person for their part in the relationship. Share what attracted you to the person in the first place. Point out the partner’s good qualities that allowed the relationship to last as long as it did.
Be honest about your own feelings. Focus on what you feel, not why you feel it. Feelings are funny things, especially attraction and love. It can be hard to pinpoint why one person falls in love while the other doesn’t. Don’t blame the other person, and encourage him not to blame himself.
Stick to your plan. Even if the other person cries or tries to change your mind, be firm.
End with a positive statement. Remind the person that even if you don’t love him, you still have positive feelings for him and want the best possible partner for him, even if it isn’t you. Tell the partner he is lovable, even if you don’t feel romantic love for him. Point out the person’s many good qualities and profess your belief that he will find someone who to loves him back.
- Give yourself and your former partner time to grieve the relationship.
- If the person ignores your desire to break up and continues to contact you, keep track of all messages and contact the police.
- If the person threatens violence against you or himself, call 911.
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