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How to Get Your Boyfriend to Be More Communicative?

by Kristen Moutria, studioD

Getting your boyfriend to be more communicative may be a frustrating task. On one hand, you understand that he loves you and wants you to be happy in your relationship. On the other hand, you struggle to understand his communication needs, which are different from your own. It may be difficult, but encouraging your boyfriend to be more communicative will open up the doors to a more fulfilling relationship.

Be honest with him. Your boyfriend may not be very communicative because conversations between the two of you are typically surface-level. Sit down with him and let him know that something serious is on your mind; if he cares about you and your feelings, he will make the effort to listen. Hiding your emotions by pretending to be invincible does not work for most people, according to John M. Grohol, founder and CEO of the website Psych Central, in the article "9 Steps to Better Communication Today."

Sit side-by-side. You might think that eye contact with your boyfriend will get him to open up to you and communicate more effectively, but it may actually be doing the opposite. Especially if you are bringing up a potentially controversial topic, avoid eye contact with your boyfriend, suggests Scott Haltzman, M.D., the co-author of "The Secrets of Happily Married Women." This will take the pressure off of him, as he can feel put on the spot by your confrontation if you look him right in the eyes.

Resist criticizing him. It may be easy for you to criticize your boyfriend, especially as a joke, but stop yourself the next time you are tempted to criticize. Men do not respond to criticism in relationships, according to Christian Carter, author of the e-book "Catch Him & Keep Him." If you are critical in an attempt to get your boyfriend's attention, take a step back and focus instead on words of affirmation. Your relationship will be much healthier and your boyfriend much happier, not to mention willing to communicate with you.

Ask questions. Ask your boyfriend all about himself: what it was like in the city he grew up in and what his favorite pastimes and biggest dreams are. Getting him to open up about himself and enjoy a little attention will help encourage him to converse with you. Resist taking what he says and making it about yourself. Focus on him for a while and make him feel special and loved.


  • Be patient as you try to get your boyfriend to be more communicative. If it is against his nature to talk too much, it will take time and perseverance to get him to change his habits.

About the Author

Kristen Moutria has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Evangel University. She is currently pursuing her Master of Arts in education from the University of Nebraska.

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