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How to Boost Men's Egos

by Kathryn Rateliff Barr

As a wife or girlfriend, you could find that boosting your man’s ego is a way to stay connected and keep him happy. A man needs admiration from the woman in his life, according to relationship expert Dr. Willard Harley, Jr., author of “His Needs, Her Needs.” That doesn’t mean insincere flattery or lies, because that can deflate his ego when he realizes you didn’t mean it.

Sincere Compliments

Compliments motivate and inspire a man to achieve more. Look for things you can honestly compliment your man about. Think about the way his smile brightens your day. Perhaps it’s the way he helps your child figure out the answer to a math problem or the way he cleaned up the kitchen without being asked. Sincere compliments can be more rewarding than a paycheck and can help a man with a fragile ego believe in himself, gaining confidence as he sees himself through your eyes, suggests Harley. Make a list that describes the characteristics you like most about him and a second list that describes how he destroys your admiration with such things as angry outbursts, selfish demands, dishonesty or cutting you with disrespectful comments. Give him the lists to help him gain more opportunities where you can compliment him on what he does right.

Ask for Help

You don’t have to be weak to ask for help, and most men get an ego boost from being able to help. Stop fighting with that jar lid and ask him sweetly to please open it. Let him change the tire or see that the car gets the required service -- which could also save you money. Be clear, however, when talking about problems at work if you just want him to listen and not pose solutions, advises relationship expert Dr. Gary Smalley. He can listen much better if he knows he won’t have to suggest a way to fix it.

Show Appreciation

Everyone likes to be appreciated for the helpful things they do, and your man is no exception. Showing appreciation is one way to encourage him to continue doing those things as well as boost his ego. Thank him for taking out the garbage, helping put groceries away and the many little things he does all the time. Let him hear you express appreciation to people significant to him, such as his parents or friends. Expressing appreciation as a true expression of your feelings could keep him from being vulnerable when another woman expresses similar sentiments.

Honor His Accomplishments

Men tend to find their identities through what they accomplish, notes Smalley. Boost your man's ego by honoring his accomplishments as a reflection of who he is, such as congratulating him on bringing in a new client, learning a new skill or tackling and completing a large project. Let him talk about the accomplishment and actively listen, ask questions and celebrate it. Make him a ribbon or card, or purchase a small trophy that lets him know that you are proud of what he can do.

References

About the Author

Rev. Kathryn Rateliff Barr has taught birth, parenting, vaccinations and alternative medicine classes since 1994. She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and foster children. She holds bachelor's degrees in English and history from Centenary College of Louisiana. Studies include midwifery, naturopathy and other alternative therapies.

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