Founded by clinical psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Neil Warren, eHarmony is based on Warren’s theory that compatibility in key areas is the secret to long-term relationship success. Launched in 2000, the site claims credit for 438 marriages per day in the United States. Yet many people find that they have trouble drawing or keeping the attention of any of their site-generated matches.
In an article for eHarmony Advice, staff host Kate points out that using positive language in your profile can increase interest. While it is important to be honest about your deal-breakers, personal issues and other factors that could affect a potential relationship, it is always best to put a positive frame around them. Instead of stating what you don’t want, try explaining what you do want. Rather than talking about the ways that a disability or complicated situation limits your ability to date, talk about the ways that you meet your challenges.
On the eHarmony blog, Kate discusses the importance of keeping your expectations realistic. The service provides you with compatible matches, but it is up to you to do the work to turn a match into a relationship. Remain open and friendly, persevere through the challenges and accept the inevitable disappointments. Kate also suggests keeping an open mind in regard to your matches. Use the process to learn about yourself. Note the issues that keep popping up. Find the similarities between matches that do not appeal to you. In some ways, eHarmony acts as a mirror, reflecting your personal truth back to you. Work to become the best version of you that you can be, show willingness to compromise on issues that are not absolute deal-breakers, and carefully consider each match rather than writing people off too quickly.
In an article for the eHarmony website, staff writers stress the importance of being honest. Answer all of your profile questions completely, to the best of your ability. Choose specific examples rather than vague catch phrases. Show off what makes you different from everyone else. Use your profile to draw a picture of a real human being with individual quirks and a highly personal way of seeing the world.
Resist the urge to give away personal information too quickly. Part of eHarmony’s success is its step-by-step process that allows matches to get to know each other slowly and safely. Avoid disclosing your real name, address, workplace or other identifying details until you are sure you are ready. Also avoid talking about highly sensitive information such as medical conditions or details about previous relationships. Mutual compatibility can lead to early false intimacy. Take your time and get to know your potential matches.
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