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How to Attract Good Guys in Your Life

by Elise Wile, studioD

The Persian poet Rumi, who was doubtless a good guy himself, said, "What you seek is seeking you." In other words, if you intentionally seek good guys, they will come to you. What this means is that you might need to rein in your impulses to hang with the bad boys, set boundaries and generally invest some time working on yourself.

Be Intolerant

You get the behavior you accept, and if you tolerate undesirable behavior in a guy you're dating, you've lowered the bar, says psychotherapist Jake Eagle in an April 2011 article on Reology.com. Eagle points out that the beginning stages of a relationship are a time of negotiation. Don't feel bad if you don't want to work to accept things that make you feel uncomfortable early in a relationship. Cut your losses and move on. Doing so will point you in the direction of a man who's right for you.

Disregard Lust

Choose attachment over lust. Lust and attraction are deep-seated, primal feelings that we have little control over, notes psychologist Jeremy Nicholson in a March 2012 article for "Psychology Today." In other words, the men you lust after may not be good guys. This doesn't mean you're stuck with only bad boys, however. What you can do is make a conscious choice to be attached to the right person, says Nicholson. You can decide whom to share your life with, regardless of whether or not you experience initial feelings of intense attraction, which can be misleading. Once you've learned not to trust feelings of lust for the bad boys who pass by, you'll find that you'll begin attracting good guys into your life because you've created a space for them.

Look Within

Be the person you want to attract, says Eagle. If you want to attract guys who are stable, kind and reliable, you need to be that kind of person yourself. Make a list of the qualities you want in a man, and honestly assess whether you meet the criteria yourself. (Of course, you need not worry about being handsome or having a hairy chest. But you get the idea.) Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." You can be the type of person you want to spend your life with.

Take the Initiative

To attract the type of guys you want, take the initiative. The good guys you want to bring into your life might be the ones hanging out at the local coffee shop rather than the guys who are approaching you at the bar. Seek out places that draw the type of guy you're interested in. Try volunteering for a cause that's dear to your heart. You might meet a great guy who's just right for you. Once you meet him, you have a better chance of him being attracted to you if you take an interest in him. Don't just sit on the sidelines; be proactive in your quest to find an awesome guy.

About the Author

Elise Wile has been a writer since 2003. Holding a master's degree in curriculum and Instruction, she has written training materials for three school districts. Her expertise includes mentoring, serving at-risk students and corporate training.

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