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How to Ask a Boy to a Sadie's if You're Shy

by Kathryn Rateliff Barr, studioD

The Sadie Hawkins tradition originated in the “L’il Abner” comic strip on November 15, 1937 when the unmarried girls pursued the bachelors in a romance race, according to Dictionary.com. Today, the Sadie tradition is a date where women invite men, perhaps through a single's club or organization. Eighty-three percent of men prefer to ask a woman out and 93 percent of women prefer to be asked out, according to Michael Mills, Ph.D., associate psychology professor in “Psychology Today” article entitled, “Why Don't Women Ask Men Out on First Dates?” so if you don't feel comfortable asking a man out, you are not alone.

Ask a friend to check with your prospective date to see if he is open to going to the dance with you. This you would do if you have never been on a date with him before. It is wise to ask a friend to scout his interest beforehand, because otherwise, if you were to ask him yourself, that would be a risky initiative, according to Mills, because his answer would either be "yes" or "no." In addition, with no shared history, risk him turning you down. Asking your friend to test his interest helps you feel more confident, because you can predict his answer and this can give you the confidence to ask your guy, even though your stomach is churning and your heart is palpitating.

Find out where and when you can meet the guy to ask him to the dance. Don’t wait to deliver your invitation, because another gal might ask him out if you wait. Look at him for signs that he is receptive to you. Mills refers to these signs as proceptive behaviors, such as watching you from across the room, winking at you or trying to catch your eye, and standing up straighter with a smile when he catches you looking at him.

Get your guy away from others by giving him a little smile and a wink, and then coyly point to a quiet corner where the two of you can talk privately. Hand him the invitation with a broad smile and all the confidence you can muster. Lean forward, say his name and tell him how handsome he looks, and then whisper seductively that you would love it if he would be your date for the Sadie. Look to see if he smiles, and if he widens his eyes and leans forward when he speaks to you. Continue to look into his eyes, and then blink slowly once, and smile while he considers his answer. If he is eager, he might touch your hand or touch your arm.

Send your prospective date a text or an email, asking him to the Sadie, if you are too shy to ask him face-to-face. Begin the text or email with a cute come-on such as, “It’s ladies choice and I choose you!” If he agrees wholeheartedly, then finalize the arrangements with him. If, however, he is not interested, you could cover the gaffe by responding, "Oops! Wrong person. I meant this for someone else. Sorry!" This might actually interest him, because you have now ruled him out after inviting him. If he then asks, "Oh? Maybe I'm interested. Tell me more," then tell him when and where, and if you will pick him up (or, if he wants to pick you up), or, if you want him to meet you at the event. When he agrees by return text or email, meet face-to-face or talk on the phone about additional details, such as whether the event asks attendees to come in traditional “L’il Abner” costumes, street clothes or whatever other attire the dance suggests.

Thank your date for accepting your invitation. Suggest getting together for dinner, if there will not be food at the event, so that you have time to talk and become less shy around him before the Sadie. If you have several days or more before the Sadie, text, email, instant message, or talk to your date to get beyond the jitters that can come when you go out with someone.

Items you will need
  •  Invitation

About the Author

Rev. Kathryn Rateliff Barr has taught birth, parenting, vaccinations and alternative medicine classes since 1994. She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and foster children. She holds bachelor's degrees in English and history from Centenary College of Louisiana. Studies include midwifery, naturopathy and other alternative therapies.

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