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I Am Still Hurt Over My Divorce After Two Years

by C. Giles

Divorce may be a difficult, exhausting experience for both parties. Even when the stress of the legal process is over, it's normal to feel a wide range of harrowing emotions, such as sadness, confusion, betrayal, guilt and loneliness. In many ways, the hardest part of divorce starts when you leave the courtroom. If you've been divorced for two years and still feel consumed by intense feelings of hurt, it may be time to change how you think about your divorce.

Don't Be Too Hard on Yourself

Putting pressure on yourself to get over your divorce may have the opposite effect. It may take several years before you can think about your ex without feeling hurt -- recovery time is not an exact science. Be patient and remind yourself that healing takes time. Think about how you felt when you were in the middle of the divorce process, and compare this to how you feel now. It's likely that you felt a lot more hurt back then. Perhaps you couldn't think about your ex back then without crying. If you are able to think about him now without shedding a tear, that's progress.

Focus on the Positive

Allow yourself to think about the problems in your former marriage and what happened during the divorce process, but try not to let these thoughts take over your mind. Relationship coach and divorce mediator Cathy Meyer suggests setting a daily time limit to reflect on these issues, such as 30 minutes in the morning and another 30 minutes in the evening. The rest of the time, keep your mind occupied with happier thoughts by spending time doing things you enjoy and meeting up with friends and family members who make you feel good about yourself. When you talk to others, make a concerted effort not to talk about your divorce too much. The less you talk about it, the less you think about it.

Live in the Present

By concentrating on the positive aspects of your life and paying more attention to the here and now than to past events, you can help yourself move on from the hurt of divorce. Pay attention to the simple things that bring happiness into your life, suggests Joan Winberg, CEO of the National Association of Divorce for Women and Children, in the "Psychology Today" article "Seven Ways to Thrive After Divorce." Go for a walk in the park and marvel at the beauty of nature. Watch your children playing in the yard. Whenever thoughts of your divorce creep into your mind, replace them with happier ones.

Seek Outside Help

A support group or counselor may help you move forward in your recovery process, says the article "Coping with a Breakup or Divorce" on HelpGuide.org. Share your feelings with others who have been through similar experiences, or seek guidance from a suitably qualified professional. There's nothing wrong with getting outside help. You may feel that, after two years, friends and family are fed up with hearing about your divorce, and this may make you more likely to bottle up your feelings. It's always better to release your emotions.

About the Author

C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."

Photo Credits

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